unaccustomed as I am to navel-gazing posts

[westernind]

A little unsettled tonight for a combination of reasons.
Day off work tomorrow, for an audition at Birkbeck, for a opera performance course. I'm ambivalent - not sure why I want to do the course - no rational foundation. Even after long thinking it remains only a gut feeling.
I may well fail the audition. No false modesty, no reassurance required, it's a fact. Moreover, it's an odd and alien sensation, as normally I don't risk doing things at which I might not succeed. (A personal fault - this is the woman who spent years believing that an A minus was a fail.) But if you don't try... on the other hand, do I really want to put the graft in for a year-long course? or just to know that I could if I wanted to?

Comments

[renniek.livejournal.com]

I sympathise. I also rarely take risks on trying things I might not succeed at, and have had that "A minus is a failure" feeling.

Best of luck with it

[scary-lady.livejournal.com]

I thought I knew you, but apparently not.

My assumption has always been that you excel at everything you do because you totally commit to it and work hard, not because you only commit to things you truly believe you cannot fail at.

Or is it the self belief that creates success?

[westernind.livejournal.com]

A lot from column A, and some from column B. Also I'm gifted with a good brain, so get a bonus to rolls on brain-based activities. ;-)

This is different. It's some brain, but mostly body and spirit. Like martial arts. Which I am sucky at! :-)

PS
Looking forward to the weekend.

[scary-lady.livejournal.com]

Me too. Covenmeet = goodtime.

And you have been training the vocal chords bit of your body for ages so not sucky at all.

[westernind.livejournal.com]

My dear - I meant that I suck at martial arts. Which I certainly do!

Interestingly, I'm reading a book on riding which suggests getting lessons from a singing teacher to learn how to breathe properly. I'm beginning to believe that there's an optimal way to 'be' in your body and that most of us mortals don't know what it is, but if you learn it, it helps with all of the body/spirit* activities. Maybe things like Pilates teach you. I wouldn't know... don't know anything about Pilates... but might make it a job to put on The List.

* not 'spirit' the way you use the word. At least I don't think so.

[scary-lady.livejournal.com]

It all sounds quite familiar. I have been taught that before you can learn any discipline properly you need to understand your own Self and be in your own Power. That sounds a bit ...mystic (in a cynical hmm, oh yeah? kind of way) written here, but we can discuss it a little if you wish at some point and see if there is common ground.

Meditation of all kinds is massively keen on good breathing, just as a point of interest. And the passive state required for good trance is achieved partly through concentrating on the breath.

[nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com]

Fuckstix. I meant to send you a good luck wish before this, but with chaotic life things forgot totally.

I hope it went well, and that you enjoyed your odd feeling of trying something uncertain of success.

[westernind.livejournal.com]

*long-distance hugginess*
It did. Bizarrely I had no nerves at all, even when they pointed a video camera at me. TBH the fact that I couldn't rationalise why I wanted to do the course will probably make more impact than the vocal performance!
And hugs to bruised Rob. :-/

[sixtine.livejournal.com]

When do you find out how it went?

[westernind.livejournal.com]

Oh god. I forgot to ask. I wonder if they noticed I forgot to ask. Probably not.

[greatbigshowoff.livejournal.com]

There must be someone who is guilty of instilling A minus is a failure into a bunch of kids. Or maybe we do it to ourselves. Scary thought. Hope it went well though